Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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