We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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