Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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