Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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