I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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