: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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