Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
My dick has a subreddit
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
