just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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