i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
