Already got asked if we're dating
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
