i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
