If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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