I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
