i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
