Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
