hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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