How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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