I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
