my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
