Pants 0. Shit 1.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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