i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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