he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
