Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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