This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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