I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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