I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
