Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
