no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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