these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
