I think I am morally bankrupt
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
