I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
