Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Holy sore nipples Batman
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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