Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
