I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
