we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
