he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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