Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
