I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
