and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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