i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
