I can tuck mytits in my pants
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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