Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
