shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
