hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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