which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
