The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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