I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
