We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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