i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
My vagina is officially offended.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
