I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
