Define "chronic" masturbator.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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