And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
