I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
They left me at home... I'm a liability
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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