Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just gift wrapped bread.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
